ReConnection Magazine ~ Summer 2008 Issue

Much of the modern men's movement has concentrated on men reclaiming their inner feminine energy. But today many men face another challenge in that they have lost their sense of purpose. We don't know what our life is about, or we have trouble aligning our life with our truth. One cure for this lack of purpose is to be challenged by our male friends to live at our edge and be our best since at times we have lost the capacity to live there and be that by ourselves. Thus it is important for a man to regularly spend time with only men. At least once a week, get together with your men friends to serve one another. Cut through the bullshit and talk with each other straight. If you feel your friend is wasting his life, tell him so, because you love him. Welcome such criticism from your friends as an opportunity to learn and grow.

A great way to bring men right to their masculine edge, to rediscover their masculine core of power, is through challenge. The more superficial forms of challenge include activities like mountain climbing, competitive sports and boot camp. These forms of physical challenge instantly enliven the masculine sense of purpose and direction. Deeper forms of challenge involve directly giving your gifts in ways that have been blocked by your fear. If you have always been afraid of public speaking, you can take on the challenge of speaking in public once a week for three months. If you fail and miss an appointment one week, the following week you must give three talks. Or, if you have always wanted to write a novel, but could never finish one, tell your friends that you are going to complete one chapter a week (or a month) for the next year. Every time you don't complete your weekly goal, your owe your friends $100. If you don't complete your yearly goal, you owe them $10,000. Suggest challenges for each other to take on in order to bring each other through the fears which limit your gift of living life to it's fullest. Always agree on consequences for not persisting in the challenge.

You could alternate these kinds of "cutting through the bullshit" gatherings with masculine celebrations. Even during these celebrations though, there should be a challenge to remain conscious and undistracted. These are not occasions for lapsing from fullness, but for communing beyond fear. Perhaps you can all go swimming in ice cold water together. Or drink to the point of inebriation and then spend the rest of the night chanting hymns of the mystery of existence - nobody allowed to drift. Whatever you do, share as much loving as you can with your friends, without settling for mediocrity or less that each man's fullest gift.

A story comes to mind of a time I was living in Los Angeles a few years back. I went there with the mission of playing high profile gigs thus bringing my music to a larger audience and the world in general. While there I was blessed with the opportunity to meet some great men also on the path to fulfilling their goals, dreams and unique life's purpose. We would meet regularly and talk. One evening we were sitting around a campfire sharing what we wanted to accomplish in life and identifying what was holding us back from doing so. We went around the circle and each shared their goals and fears. We made a promise to one another to take on a specific challenge which would further our life's mission. For me my immediate goal was simple. It was to perform at the 3 day Malibu Music Festival at the end of the month. I was going to do this by introducing myself to the person in charge of booking the acts and request a performance time slot. If I failed to take this action I would pack up my bags and go back to Canada.

I researched the company in charge of the event and familiarized myself with whom I would have to speak with. I saw photos online of the people who ran the company so that I would recognize them by name when I saw them. That week I took my guitar to the offices of 'Malibu Entertainment Worldwide' with the intention of meeting those in charge of the event. I walked up the steps of the building and stopped short in front of the large company doors as fear began to well up in my gut. Wow, I was blown away at my hesitance. I realized that the fear I was experiencing was the fear that had been stopping me from accomplishing all that was dear to me in my life. I wanted to give up, turn around and walk back to my car. But by doing so I might as well pack up my life, go back home and give up on all my life's dreams. This moment for me represented every moment of challenge, persistence and potential accomplishment in my life. I mustered every ounce of strength I had and walked through the doors. I introduced myself to the woman at reception and as fate would have it the owner of the company, whom I recognized from an online photo, walked by at that very moment. I greeted him by name, introduced myself and told him that I would like to perform at his festival. He stared at me with the look of "Who is this guy" but seemed moved by my boldness so he gave me audience. Seeing my guitar he replied "What have you got?" I breathed deep, took out my guitar, sat on the counter while gathering a few curious onlookers and began to play. In an passionate 2 minute rendition of orgasmic music of joy and transcendence I played and sang my heart out. The purity of my British Columbia 'forest vibe' was a breath of fresh air in the vast desert of the harsh Los Angeles music scene. I observed as the looks on their faces washed from skepticism to smiles and joy. They were so moved by the music that when I was finished they offered me a performance spot at the Malibu Music Festival. I remember walking out of that office higher then I have ever felt before. I had moved through my fear and I felt the fire and power of courage in my heart and an unwavering belief in my musical abilities. The next two months I performed 8 times in venues in and around the Los Angeles area embodying a newfound power that had emerged through facing my fear. Our men's group met every week for the next three months and the transformation of each individual was astonishing. By setting a goal, sharing it with the group and holding each other accountable we were able to boldly move forward in our lives in a fast and supportive way.